Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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