fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
