Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
