Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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