Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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