Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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