i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone came in the potted fern
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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