the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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