Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
