He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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