I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
