Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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