I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
