I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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