What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
