I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
