either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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