You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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