How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
