she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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