Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
