I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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