You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
