I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so explain again why im purple
no
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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