i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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