The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have fence marks all over my body
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