You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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