so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
