I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
