1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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