Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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