I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
