I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
