Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if only i could text you this smell
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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