I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
