My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
