sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
