Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
