Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
