You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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