In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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