he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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