i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize