WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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