Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
