does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
