OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
