Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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