when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
