you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
