I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
