i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
