Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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