The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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