For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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