So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
