Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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