there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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