Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
